She is in my trunk
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
