I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
