haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
