Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
