Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
