Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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