Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
