cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
