Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
