Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
