and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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