Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
