My first STD was from a foam party
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
