My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
