and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
