just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
