I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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