giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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