remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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