Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
