Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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