In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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