I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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