she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
