when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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