I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
