Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
