It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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