You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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