I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
