all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
