while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
