Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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