i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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