I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
