Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
