I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
