went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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