No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
