I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
