I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize