You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
