May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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