On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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