I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
