Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
