I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
