duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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