Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
