Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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