five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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