I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
