hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i was born a porn star she said
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
