I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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