Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize