You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
