Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
