u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
