The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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