Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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