i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
