i was born a porn star she said
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have fence marks all over my body
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
