Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
