Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
