Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize