Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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