My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
