they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
