I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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