Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Best friends brother. Beat that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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