my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
