So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
