grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
