I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
