it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
