Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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