Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
