Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
