Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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