It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize