Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
