So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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