I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize