Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why are your pants in the freezer?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
