you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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