My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
