You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I met the friendliest cop last night
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
