Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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