he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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