So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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