and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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