Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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