Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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