He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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